Saturday, November 7, 2009

And the Special Word of the Month is...?

There have been too numerous if not raping of the LCDS ads on television/radio and the adherence about keeping and promoting a low carbon safe environment through local media, but has anyone noticed about a month ago that DDL (Demerara Distillers Ltd.) opened a new bottling plant? Notwithstanding, that his excellency attended the opening ceremony.

Why not  comment about the advantages and disadvantages of such an initiative? Why not invest in a recycling plant since climate change is such a 'major' issue in Guyana?

Then there is the case of tree huggers environmentalists trying to promote the effects of human waste on the biodiversity of our country by illustrating turtles getting choked by plastic bags because they mistake them for jelly fish. 

I might as well go live in the interior, get a free ATV from the govuhment, vote for them in the elections and get no benefit from complaints afterwards. 

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Kwame's Visa Gets Revoked...Moves Into Mr. Rogers' Neighbourhood




Kwame's new identity as KoKo the Gorilla

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Gizmos and Gadgets...Evading Taxes

The honorary Mr. Khurshid Sattaur- Commissioner General of the Guyana Revenue Authority (GRA) has issued a statement today implicating a popular electronics store (G&G) in a series of tax payment issues (evasion).

Similarly, Gizmos and Gadgets has mysterious been "robbed" today by two gun toting men. They escaped in a Gold taxi as reported by News Update. The robbery took about 5 minutes. I ask myself, how long did these people over at Gizmos and Gadgets owe GRA? Were they even asked about their tax certificate when customers purchased goods there? How long did it take those staff members of GRA to discover that a major retailer owed taxes?

This brings us back to the case of Buddy's Int'l Hotel owing millions of dollars in electricity bills and the postponement of the payments by the courts.

Times Hard

Six employees of the Guyana Power and Light (GPL)  company are now in police custody following the theft of 118 rolls of copper wire from the company’s store in Sophia.

The stolen rolls were valued at approximately $ 6 million dollars and were said to comprise 10 mm, 16 mm and 25 mm cables.

However, 67 of these rolls of cable have since been recovered after it was discovered that some of the stolen rolls had been sold to an electrical store in the city.  The recovered rolls are valued at approximately $2.5 to $3 million.  Of the rolls recovered two were 25 mm cables, five were 16 mm cables and the remaining sixty were 10 mm cables.

The six workers in custody comprise employees who work at the Head Office and Sophia Store. Reports are that the employees at the two establishments colluded with each other and were able to access the wires by forging signatures on requisition forms. When contacted by this newspaper, Loss Production Manager of GPL Loaknauth Singh confirmed the report and said that police are investigating the matter.

According to him, the company’s management  received information that the signature on a requisition form had been forged and decided to investigate the mater.

He said police were notified on Thursday and proceeded to arrest the employees. Singh said that the company is still trying to ascertain whether other items are missing from its Sophia store. Stabroek News was told that these stolen cables are used by GPL for Itron metering, normal metering and maximum demand metering.

The copper wires are believed to have been stolen during the course of last month. The theft comes after the well-publicised pillaging of expensive transformers from GPL. One of these transformers was found in a recently opened store.

Monday, November 2, 2009

New Investor for Guyana Call BJ...Quick! Quick!

How Can i Invest In Your Country 


Dear Friend

I am interested in establishing and operating a very viable business as a
means of investment abroad. I do not know too well on how this is done in
your country, so I will need you to help me in this regard.
My preference is any good profit yielding business and I would appreciate
any viable ideas you could come up with. I will also need you to help me
look for properties like homes and lands for sale as I am proposing to
invest the sum of Thirty Million United States Dollars ($30,000,000.00USD)
for this. I do not know if you can and will be of help to me.
For a brief on my personality; my name is Alhaji Abdul Majeed,a libya (supposed to be Libyan)
based in Nigeria. I am a retired Business man, formally into Oil and Gas
business.I am 64 years of age, married with a wife and 4 lovely kids.
I dropped my business because it wasn't producing profitable income. I
have had so much problems with the Nigerian Authority just because am a
foreigner I believe.
My need for this business proposition and to acquire these properties is
very urgent as I am planning to move out of this country with my family
down to your country. I want you to also help in finding a good home where
my family and I will live in. (Mini Estate) Please I expect your good and
prompt reply so that we can proceed swiftly.

Best Regards,
Alhaji Abdul Majeed

Agri Fest Was Held Over?

Apparently Agri Fest was held over yesterday. I guess these geniuses didn't realise that the main reason people attended Agri-Fest in the first place was because of Rupee.

I guess these promoters (MOA) failed to realise that the only way you can get almost the same amount of people to visit on the second day was by promoting popular local/overseas guests. 

Visiting the scene of the crime, only to find a set of out of placed stalls in what resembled Bourda Market on a Saturday, some teenage girls dressed in skimpy attire, uninformative stall owners and not forgetting the little patches of mud and red sand from a distance.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Teen's Genital Area Soaked in Menthylated Spirit and Lit on Fire


Thursday, October 29, 2009

BJ Like Using White People

Imagine BJ bringing people (white) from foreign to talk about how great the LCDS is. Imagine a third world country fussing about climate change. Honestly BJ, how much percent of carbon emissions do you think Guyana produces in a year as opposed to other Caribbean islands?

What's the best way to get the people attention about how serious climate change will affect Guyana? Bring a white man to discuss the benefits and praise the initiative. I guess them Amerindian Indigenous people wouldn't see what's coming when their mining and logging start depleting faster than somebody with an asthma attack. BJ wants to show the world how preserved our rain forests are. *coughs*bullshit*coughs*

Do us a favour BJ, why don't you help benefit the country by creating more jobs instead of watching the news, observing what C.N.Sharma has to say and bitching about petty questions and reporters.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Maths is Fun

Good morning class. My name is Observer and I'll be your substitute Mathematics teacher for this class session. You're free not to ask any questions while I'm carrying on this thing. If you are found eating, biting nails, reading a magazine or even breathing you will be killed on spot. *Smiles*

If BJ invests in a $100 Million Low Carbon Demolition Strategy and he keeps $9 Million to himself how much does he have?

Little Johnny: Ahmm...88 Sir? *Lash* No! 89.5? *Slap plus lash to head* No! Ughhh never mind...lets move on.

If Taxpayers pay 33 1/3 % of their salary on a $60,000 Commission, and BJ spends that 33 1/3 % on a facial. How much does the average man carry home as profit?

Little Johnny: *Uses fingers to count, scratches head & daring to put up hands* uhhh...Sir Uhh...$29,000? *Pelts box of chalk to Johnny's head*. *Johnny collapses for 6 seconds*

Good class...now...*Johnny gets up off the floor* For homework I want you to ask your parents how much they earn and then calculate the amount by the same 33 1/3 %.

Class screams "Yes, Sir!"

Observer: *Looks at Johnny* Johnny why the hell did you tell me you're the brightest in the class?

Johnny: Ahmm Sir, I thought yuh de talkin' bout' complexion. *Pelts box again, storms out with shaking head*

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Children These Days Pt.2

Who the hell puts a 5 year old to lift weights?



Letter to GT&T

Dear GT&T Bright Folks,

We as customers admire you for your brightness when you use a past Cellink Jingle and Song Competition contestant to advertise a service.

Not withstanding, the circumstances of making the contestant use an obvious Cellink Shirt followed by the man looking blind as a bat and the placement of the items on the screen. If you were to take a closer look, the man's hand is completely off of the supposedly touch screen effect. I'm surprised he didn't burn the place down. *Pauses, looks from left to right*

PS: Please do something about your depressing Operators. Unknown had to cough all over the phone and talk about getting swine flu to get one of them attention.

Observer
Blogger

Monday, October 26, 2009

The Real Animal Cruelty

Click on this link to see the real animal cruelty. Besides what the hell is Dog Day?

Fake Fires?

I'm hearing some speculation regarding these stores on Regent Street being burned down, to create Malls. 

Hmmm...

Uncle Freddie Getting Jabs

News Filed | Under Stabroek News | Sunday  October 25th, 2009

Dear Editor,

Mr. Ryan Waldron's letter (23-10-09) needs not look as far as Hollywood for his block buster because Guyana has its own home grown "Wacko Freddie". After all, Freddie Kissoon seems to be the expert on all the topics Ryan Waldron has mentioned, plus more.

Moreso, the way Freddie "attacks" a certain section of the Indo-Guyanese population, I think this should be a movie to reflect Freddie's Hitler type hatred for his country men & women.

M.Chitram


We all envisage Freddie Kissoon as a controversial individual. Apparently Freddie's comments are affecting a majority of Indo-Guyanese a lot these days.

This is just as pretensive as Chris Rock or Steve Harvey  making black jokes and black people in the audience aren't laughing because they're feeling offended (then why go to a show that you know would offend you). Why are they offended you ask? Because races never like accepting the reality/truth of their stereotypes.  They prefer to sit back and classify it as something to just ease off of.

When Freddie makes a comment on Indo/Afro-Guyanese it's fact versus fiction. Not all agree with his analysis but he's making a valid point that needs to be addressed. Others prefer to leave it in the dark and just accept things as they come.

When this person says country men, what exactly do they mean? Why don't they mention the "certain section" of the Indo-Guyanese population? Do they mean the bourgeoisie? Do they really mean Freddie is a shame to their race?

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Rohee Stars in Own Tv Show: Cops Guyana Edition


+Click to Enlarge

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Swine Flu Appreciation Week

Ok, since this H1N1 Virus is starting to become a norm. I have fully laid out the number of other animal related diseases within the next decade or so. The list is as follows;

1. Rat Flu

Sci-Name H1N2

Transmission: Rat-to-person

Latin Ratus Fluous

2. Dog Flu

Sci-Name H1N3

 Transmission: Accidentally jamming dog testes

Latin: Testus Infectus Canines

3. Monkey Flu

Sci-Name: H1N4

Transmission: Getting shit thrown on from a member of the primate family

Latin: Shitus Throwus

4. Rabbit Flu

Sci-Name: H1N5

Transmission: Accidentally eating rabbit fecal matter

Latin: Donus Eatus Shitus

5. Donkey Flu

Sci-Name: H1N6

Transmission: Having/relating to sexual misconduct with donkies

Latin Buggerus Donus

6. Goat Flu

Sci-Name: H1N7

Transmission: Accidental consumption of raw goat milk or goat milk related produce

Latin: Milkus Killus

7. Turtle Flu

Sci-Name: H1N8

Transmission: Association with any turtle that can easily wound or injure an individual 

Latin: Bitus Yourus Anus

8. Fish Flu (Sounds Ridiculous)

Sci-Name: H1N9

Transmission: Immediate contact with members of the aquatic family if they proceed to bitch slap you

Latin Bichus Slapus

9. Cat Flu

Sci-Name: H2N1

Transmission: Close contact with any pissed off feline

Latin Angres Pussus

10. Sheep Flu

Sci-Name: H2N2

Transmission: Wearing or having any wool relate products immediately after shaving sheep

Latin Shavus Donus Wearus


NCN = Non-Communicational Network



Friday, October 16, 2009

Every Year Same Shit

It's Diwali officially tomorrow, a festive season popularly known as the prevalence of good over evil...light over dark.

A season where even though scribs and "channabombs" along with other incendiary devices are banned, but what the hell they're selling like a cake sale. Atleast 3/10 Hindu Temple Organizations will be complaining in the newspapers about teenagers throwing them (the incendiary devices) into the temples.

Another 20 persons will complain about sleepless nights with these things going off. Someone else will end up in the newspapers as an example of what these devices can do when the individual(s) controlling these devices just so happen to not be fast enough. Ah I can picture it all now.

He Came Back

Apparently Kwame came back to office. At a press briefing with Dr Luncheon, he denied answering any question(s) pertaining to Julius (15 yr old boy). BJ says somehow he was on leave.

The seaching between our feet police are still handling ongoing investigations.

Another classic tale of "getting away with murduh".

Monday, October 12, 2009

Ah Win De Prize...So Ahmm Lata

Prize Won! (Details Inside)

Add star

Yahoo/Msn Corporation

Mon, Oct 12, 2009 at 6:44 AM
Reply-To: claimsagent_harlings@yahoo.co.uk

Prize Won! (Five hundred and fifty two Thousand pounds sterling), kindly
confirm receipt of this email, by forwarding Your Details as states below to
our events manager on Email: claimsagent_harlings@yahoo.co.uk
Name/Address/Tel number/Age/Occupation/Country of Origin.


NB: This is a Ponzi Scheme.

Robeson Caught Sparring With Clown After Trying to Demolish His House

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Michael Jackson Stamps, Basketball Stamps...What Next?

What better way to promote Guyana & Guyanese culture by issuing stamps based on North American pop culture icons and sports teams. Exactly what am I going to do with an NBA stamp, seriously? What am I going to tell my twelve year old nephew when he asks "how come this stamp doesn't have a Golden Arrow Head on it?

Imagine buying a stamp and seeing something that doesn't exactly fit into the equation of a country. It's like waking up everyday saying I'm not really the colour I was born with, the nurse made a mistake in the delivery room and my parents were partly blind.

What a Shame

In a brute-force search for ice on the moon, an empty 5,000-pound rocket stage traveling twice as fast as a rifle bullet crashed into a permanently shadowed crater near the moon's south pole Friday, presumably blasting out tons of debris for examination by an instrumented probe that carried out its own kamikaze plunge four minutes later.

While the initial impact at 4:31 a.m. PDT did not prove especially dramatic--it was not even visible in real-time video from the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite (LCROSS)--scientists said a camera sensitive to temperature variations clearly recorded the flash of the Centaur rocket's catastrophic crash.

More important, spectroscopic data indicated the presence of material of some sort above or near the impact point in a murky crater known as Cabeus, and instruments aboard NASA's Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter observed the Centaur crater and confirmed a plume of debris. But it was not immediately clear how extensive the plume was or how much material was blasted out.

Principal investigator Anthony Colaprete said it would take several days to analyze the data from the $79 million LCROSS experiment and reach a consensus on whether or not water ice was, or was not, detected.

LCROSS was launched June 18 as a companion payload to NASA's $504 million Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter spacecraft. Working in a 31-mile-high orbit, LRO is designed to create a high-resolution map of the moon's surface to help identify sites for future manned missions. [Source]


Imagine all of this money spent just to see if there's ice on the moon. *continuous banging of the head on table followed by loud crash to the floor*

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Sky Trak At It's Best

Priya Sited in Hideout: Gone MIA Since Kwame Incident

Priya inset hiding from the Camera man.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Vacancy in Kaieteur News

Jerries Vacancy: Manager

Requirements:
1) Only serious need to apply

2) Able to work crazy hours

3) Thief must not be your false name

Call: 655-7854 for Appointment.


Knews page 3.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Jagdeo Unable To Attend G20 Summit: Somehow Finds His Way Into A Snapshot

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Robeson Purchases Magic Beans to Help Rebuild K.P Thomas Office



We All Love Horses...Just Not this Way

Horse ‘lover’ caught in the act

October 5, 2009 | By KNews | Filed Under News

An E Field Sophia man is irate after he caught a man having sex with his horse.

The man told this newspaper that he left the animal feeding and tied to its cart.

He said when his wife came home and did not see the horse, she inquired about the animal since it is normally near the cart.

According to the horse owner, since the animal provides a daily living for his family, he ventured down the street to find it.

He said when he got to the end of the street, in a secluded area, he saw a man (Name given) standing on a bucket.

“I see this man pun one a dem big white bucket wuking away.”

The animal owner said he didn’t make much of the situation since he did not know that his horse was involved in the act.

But on taking a closer look, he saw the man who was without clothes performing the beastly act on the animal.

“Them man cruel ‘soldier’, real thing… imagine he sexing an animal, buddy”. The horse owner said by this time the man saw him and ran into some nearby bushes.

He said the man is the son of a senior police officer.

“I go by the house and carry way he clothes”.

The owner of the animal is adamant that it is not the first time that the man has performed the act.

“The other day I tie the horse by the cart and when I come back the horse loose but me ain’t tek it fuh nothing… he had to be sexing this horse long.”

According to the owner, he has just finished paying for the horse which he uses to transport materials and other items for persons in the neighbourhood.

“I vex bad you know, I does treat me horse like me family.”

He said that presently the horse is in heat and this may have been the reason for the man to be able to perform the act with such ease.

“I did glad if the horse did kick he in he seeds (referring to the man’s testicles).”

Another man said, “imagine fifteen women to one man and he sexing a horse.”

According to some men gathered, the man is a popular individual in the city. “He does deh touting by Demico and drinking a set a guinness”

The owner made a report to the police station and the horse lover was subsequently arrested.

A police source said that the man will most likely be charged with bestiality. In the meantime the man is no longer tying his horse in the street. It is now secured in his yard.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Kwame Tries to Leave Country With Boy in Pile of Bananas: Detained, Says He Doesn't Know Where Boy Came From